


First Day (of the rest of his life)

by Loopstagirl



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Cendred, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-20
Updated: 2014-07-20
Packaged: 2018-02-09 16:57:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1990572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Loopstagirl/pseuds/Loopstagirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was time to move on, and a new job might just be the key to doing so.</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Day (of the rest of his life)

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I own nothing, all rights belong to their respective owners.
> 
> Written for the Camelot-Land prompt for First day on the job.

Arthur was late.

He couldn’t believe it, even as he hurried along the busy roads and darted recklessly between traffic. He had never been late a day in his life and the one time he felt like it counted more than it had ever done before, he had overslept. He knew his therapist would say it didn’t matter, it wasn’t his fault. Right now it was better to have got a little extra sleep so that he would be calmer to face the day.

He was far from calm now.

Arthur knew he was only losing it because this was something he wanted more than anything. He had left behind the business world and was finally pursuing his passion. Not that his previous job hadn’t left its scars, however, and Arthur knew that was the cause behind his desperation. He couldn’t risk blowing this job because then he would have nothing. The rent was due on the flat at the end of the month and he knew his savings didn’t cover it anymore. It wasn’t as if he had anything to fall to back on either, not since his father had disowned him after that had happened.

Finally, however, the building rose into view and Arthur almost sobbed in relief. Narrowly avoiding a taxi, he managed to get across the road and threw open the door. Instantly, he stopped, staring around. He hadn’t been here yet. He hadn’t even had an interview. The owner – Merlin Emrys – had seen his work and hired him over a telephone call. Apparently all he cared about to start with was the artwork – they would deal with other matters of personality if and when the problem arose.

Arthur had thought it was a trick to start with, just because it was so different to the way he was used to. But when more information, starting days, pay etc had arrived via email, he knew it was worth the risk. He need the money too badly and it had seemed like a dream job.

The place had random quotes stuck all over the walls, accompanied by random illustrations. It had a somewhat topsy turvy feel to it and Arthur instantly smiled.

“Arthur?”

The smile slipped when he saw a young man heading towards him. He was slender with dark hair and piercing blue eyes that Arthur felt could see into his soul. He was dressed in jeans and a casual shirt with the sleeves rolled up. Arthur tugged at his tie nervously.

“Mr Emrys?” Arthur hazarded a guess. It was the only name he knew of the staff working for the small publishing company but the man beamed at him.

“I’m so sorry, Leon – he’s the money behind this business – told me that my directions were shoddy at the best. I was about to try and ring you again to see if I could explain better where we were based, but looked like you passed the first test by finding it.” The smile stayed on his face and Arthur found himself smiling nervously back.

He had overslept and his new boss was blaming himself for not giving better directions.

What kind of place was this?

“Come, I’ll give you the tour. We’ve got your desk and bits set up but feel free to bring any of your art things from home. Elyan – he’s our other illustrator – works off entirely his own things now, claims he likes the feel of them better.” The man started leading the way. He wasn’t so much explaining things to Arthur than gushing about his business.

There was no denying his passion and Arthur knew this was a man who loved what he did. This was the sort of business his last company would have tried to shut down for being too independent. Arthur shook his head; he would _not_ think about that place today, he wouldn’t let it ruin this for him.

The office seemed open plan apart from a door at the end that led to the boss’ room. He explained how he liked the team working together and spent most of his time with the rest of them but there were some business deals that needed to be done behind a shut door at times. Arthur simply nodded; he imagined he still knew more about business than Mr Emrys did despite not having owned his own company.

They passed two desk. One man was bent over, deeply absorbed in reading a book. The other man was cradling coffee.

“Lancelot and Gwaine,” Merlin motioned to them in turn. “Lance digs straight in and Gwaine needs at least three cups of coffee before he starts reading. They’re our proof readers.”

“Merlin, you jerk, what did you give me Elena’s new one for? You know Lance handles romance.”

“And you know full well she asked for you in person. I think she is hoping the romance will start giving you some hints.” Gwaine pulled a face at him and Merlin smirked back. Arthur stared.

“They… they call you Merlin?”

“Of course. You should too. I’m just another of the team who happens to take the rap if things go wrong, that’s all. And dress code is whatever you want, whatever you are most comfortable in.” It was only then that Arthur realised Gwaine was wearing shorts. Arthur felt horribly overdressed.

“Elyan is over in that corner, but we’re more likely to have paint flicked at our heads if we disturb now. Leon’s our financer but he only pops in now and again, this is a side-line for him. And you might see Percival – he’s our resident writer. Novelist who lives in the flat above, certainly cuts his postage when he can just throw the manuscript down the stairs at us.”

Merlin grinned and Arthur forced a nervous smile on his face. He had never experienced an office like this before and he had gone around his fair share over the last couple of years.

“How about we step into my office and discuss the technicalities of your job?”

_Step into my office, Arthur. We’ll talk._

_The hand over his mouth, blocking his screams._

_The laughter…_

“Arthur? Are… are you alright, mate?”

“Fine,” Arthur forced the memory out of his mind. That was _over_. Here he was, making a fresh start.

“Right,” Merlin didn’t look as if he believed him and Arthur knew he must have gone pale. Apparently that was something he did every time he thought of what had happened.

“I’ve got a better idea. Follow me.” Merlin turned away from the office and disappeared down a side-corridor that Arthur hadn’t noticed up until now. He dutifully followed and then gaped.

They were in another room… covered in beanbags and a sofa. Merlin threw himself down on one and gestured for Arthur to do the same. Awkwardly, Arthur crouched until he could perch on the edge of another beanbag.

“This is my inspiration room. Lance and Gwaine sometimes need to clear their heads from reading. Elyan needs to find his muse for what he is going to draw for a book. We come in here to relax and escape from work whenever we need it.”

“Isn’t that counterproductive, Sir?”

“Merlin. And no. How can you force an artist to draw if they have no inspiration? Surely you know that?”

Arthur dropped his gaze and ducked his head, embarrassed. He had to stop thinking like a businessman who had several hundred people working under him and only a few above him. It had only taken one, however…

“Are you happy to start today?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Merlin, Arthur. Call me Merlin, sir makes me sound old.” Unable to stop himself, Arthur grinned. It was the first time he had felt like smiling without forcing it. Merlin had sound somewhat horrified at that thought and Arthur knew he had come to a workplace where colleagues were friends rather than people that just yelled at each other. He needed friends. Friends who didn’t know. As he looked around the relaxing room, Arthur felt something slot into place in his heart.

This might have been practically a back-alley publishing house that no one knew about and even fewer people could find, but something told him it was exactly what he needed.

Merlin climbed to his feet and offered Arthur his hand. Arthur ignored it and clambered up himself. Merlin dropped his hand again, watching him closely as if trying to work something out. Arthur nudged his tie self-consciously.

“So where do I sit?” he forced himself to ask, knowing that it was going to be Merlin asking questions if he didn’t pull himself together. In a small team like this, there wasn’t room for someone to be lost to the demons of their past. His father had made it quite clear that he didn’t think Arthur had what it took to make it on his own.

He was going to prove him wrong, if it was the last thing he did. His own silent revenge on the man.

“Follow me,” Merlin had the smile back on his face now and practically bounded away. Arthur followed, trying to squash the dark thoughts that constantly brewed in his mind these days. He could handle this. Merlin weaved the way back through the desks quietly this time and Arthur knew why; Gwaine had started reading as well and it wasn’t fair to interrupt them when they were working.

He led Arthur over to a corner and gestured to a desk. A dark-skinned man was sitting at the opposite one, staring forlornly at a blank piece of paper in front of him. There was a sheet of notes to one side and the man glanced at them from time to time before sighing. Merlin grimaced but gestured for Arthur to sit down.

“He’s been struggling with this novel for a while,” Merlin muttered in an undertone. He showed Arthur where everything was and then slid over a stack of notes. “These are the synopsis for the novels requiring artwork right now. Feel free to swap and share between the two of you just make sure the order is roughly the same. Any questions?”

Arthur eyed the art equipment spread out on the desk and found that he was taking off his jacket and tie before he realised he was doing it. He rolled up his sleeves.

“Can I start?”

Merlin clapped him on the shoulder and grinned.

“See you at lunch.”

It was only after he had walked off and Arthur had pulled the first set of notes towards him did he realise he hadn’t flinched when Merlin had touched him. Possibly because there was nothing at all threatening about the cheerful man, not like Cendred had been. For a moment, Arthur found that he was appreciating just how happy Merlin was. Then, to his disbelief, he began thinking about how good looking he was.

Clearing his throat, Arthur quickly pulled the first set of notes towards him and began scanning through what he was supposed to be doing. It was a children’s book and Arthur just stared blankly. He wasn’t any good at children’s art, he had never had to really try before.

“Wanna swap?” A voice made Arthur look up to find the other man watching him. “Elyan Smith. I know that look on your face, I’ve been feeling the same thing for the last two days. Want to swap?”

“Arthur,” he didn’t mention his last name. “And yes please.”

The pair quickly swapped the sheets and Arthur grinned at what he saw. Elyan was doing the same.

“You prefer the darker stuff then?” Elyan asked casually. He already had a pen in his hand. Arthur nodded, following suit.

“I see you must prefer children’s things?”

“I’m better at cartoons,” he admitted. Arthur nodded in understanding; he was awful at that sort of drawing. At least, he always thought he was because compared to what he could produce on other genres.

Arthur scanned the notes one last time and put pen to paper. He had worried that he would be clock watching all morning, feeling the pressure of being back in work for the first time in three months. It wasn’t as if it was his fault – he had spent a while in hospital and then the counselling had taken up a lot of his time until now. He hadn’t felt ready to return to any sort of job, but it was only some gentle prompting about perhaps following his dreams rather than what he already knew that had caused him to reply to this job advertisement. He hadn’t even been sure he would stay.

He and Elyan passed odd comments as they worked away and Arthur found himself settling into a peaceful routine of following the strokes of his pen.

“Arthur?” The voice made him jump and Arthur looked up to find Merlin standing in front of his desk, an apologetic grin on his face.

“We’re heading for lunch. You’re lucky; starting on a Monday – we always go to the pub on a Monday. Would you like to come?”

Arthur had “no” on the tip of his tongue. He wasn’t ready for that. But then he glanced down at what he had been doing all morning and blinked in surprise. The piece would take about a week – Elyan had told him they all did by the time they layered the colouring and then got it all scanned in and tweaked digitally as well. But Arthur hadn’t expected to have got so swept up in it. As he flexed the cramp out of his hand, he smiled.

He actually felt at peace for the first time in a long time.

“If that is okay?” he asked quietly. Merlin just rolled his eyes and gestured for Arthur to come along. Arthur grabbed his jacket and quickly sent his counsellor a text, telling her how it was going. Mithian didn’t make him feel like a patient, more a friend she was trying to help out and Arthur knew now that it was working.

Slipping on his jacket and putting his phone away, he followed Merlin out of the door and found the rest of the team waiting for them. Gwaine and Elyan headed off, arguing about the finer details of a book they had both worked on and Arthur found himself next to Merlin, who was next to Lancelot. The two of them chatted comfortably as they walked along and Arthur just listened. He knew he could have joined in, he just didn’t know what to say.

Lunch was eventful to say the least. Gwaine and Merlin squabbled like brothers, Lancelot quietly intervening when things got out of hand and Elyan illustrating their argument on a napkin. Arthur knew he was quiet; he had always had a confident air about him when out with friends, but this was different.

Yet when they stood up to leave as Merlin declared Leon was paying (as in, he was putting it on the company card), Arthur realised for the first time in a very long time, he had had a great time.

MMM

Six months passed and Arthur soon began to grow in confidence. He was sure about his work now and the company was strengthening. By the amount he had to do at the beginning, Arthur knew that having two proof-readers and only one illustrator was taking its toll – Elyan was the one dealing with the backlog. But having Arthur there meant they surely but steadily began to pull it back. It helped that they seemed to have contrasting preferences, meaning they simply switched if they came across a novel they had no inspiration for.

Arthur had a feeling the company had been struggling a little when he joined, for the change in Merlin was extraordinary when they began to pull back a little. The mysterious Percival upstairs (who Arthur had only met once when he was collecting post) managed a best seller and the company truly began to thrive.

Arthur himself was doing better. His counselling sessions had gone down to once a month, although he and Mithian found they were actually quite good friends and had gone out for drinks more than once. He was also still going out for lunch with his new friends on a weekly basis and was beginning to join Merlin for drinks now and again.

When their relationship had started to change, Arthur had no idea. It began when they kept coinciding their breaks in the lazy room. Chatter had slowly began to build and then things had started to intensify a little. Nothing had happened between them, but Arthur was beginning to feel that more than friendship was on the cards now and the best part of it all was that he felt ready. Merlin didn’t know what had driven Arthur from his last job, despite that being almost a year ago. But Arthur had hinted enough for him to know it wasn’t a usual dismissal – he hadn’t wanted someone to ask straight out and for him to freeze for he knew that would have truly set him back.

But for the first time since Cendred had beckoned Arthur into his office, he felt like he was properly in control once again.

That was until he received the final letters from his father, making it official the fact that he had disowned Arthur after the attack. Arthur knew it was coming, and in a way welcomed it because it meant that he could put it behind him. His father considered the fact that Arthur hadn’t been able to stop it a failure, and by making sure he cut all ties with his son it meant that Cendred couldn’t hold anything over him. He couldn’t make the man back down on a deal by hinting at what he had done to his son if Uther no longer had one.

Arthur thought he was ready. But seeing it all in writing, knowing that the lifestyle he had grown up taking for granted was now completely behind him and he had no family came more of a shock than he was expecting. The nightmares returned, he was barely eating and he was throwing himself into his work so intently that he knew the rest of the team had noticed. Arthur claimed he was trying to meet a deadline with a tricky piece he was working on when they asked if he was joining them for lunch. He didn’t see the point; he wasn’t hungry and it would be better if he kept working.

He kept it up for three weeks, ignoring the growing concern in their expressions and the soft and subtle questions. They didn’t need to know, he was handling it. The fact that he hadn’t yet told Mithian meant he knew he _wasn’t_ handling it. They had addressed the issue of his father earlier on and she had promised to schedule him in immediately as soon as the documents arrived. All he had to do was send her a message, but Arthur rather bury himself in his work. It was a strategy that he worked up until now for him in life and he would rather keep the appointments just as monthly.

The fact that pushing it aside was just making it worse was not something he was letting cross his mind.

But when he cracked, it came as no surprise that it was on Merlin.

It was a Monday, the rest of the team had gone out for lunch. Arthur had assumed that Merlin had gone too and he made his way through to the lazy room. It was better than staring at the blank page he had been looking at all morning. Inspiration was getting harder now that he was so tired.

Kicking off his shoes – Arthur had long since given up dressing formally when it just made him feel out of place – he threw himself down across two beanbags. Instantly, his eyes flickered shut and Arthur fell asleep before he realised that would be a bad idea. Every time he shut his eyes the nightmares returned and now was no exception even with technically being sprawled across the floor at work.

_“Step into my office, Arthur. We’ll talk.” Cendred held open the door invitingly and Arthur stalked in. It was after hours, no one else was around. He had been working for the man undercover, trying to find something that he could report back to his father and allow the man to take over the business. He knew he had come across something, and the barely concealed fury on Cendred’s face meant he knew it._

_Arthur walked in, and then turned to immediately confront the man, knowing the time for niceties were over. Cendred’s punch caught him before Arthur knew it, sending him reeling and crashing into the desk. Cendred struck out again and again until Arthur couldn’t stand, his head reeling. But once Cendred had made sure the door was locked, he hauled the dazed Arthur up over the desk._

_Arthur didn’t regain his senses until he felt his belt being drawn off. He tried to cry out as his trousers were shoved down his legs, but Cendred somehow had him pinned and his free hand over Arthur’s mouth. He brought the belt slashing down, catching Arthur on the back of his legs and his arse._

_“You’ve been a naughty boy, Arthur. They deserve to be punished.” It continued for who knows how long, Arthur spent the whole thing trying to get away or call out. But when it did stop, he would have done anything for it to continue. For Cendred used the belt to tie his hands before returning his hand to Arthur’s mouth. The pain was unbearable as Cendred set about doing what he had clearly wanted to since Arthur arrived._

_“Tell your father what happens to spies he sends into my building,” Cendred growled as he thrust harshly in, his own belt digging into Arthur’s back and drawing blood. Arthur knew he was screaming behind Cendred’s hand but the noise was too muffled and the building empty._

_His message delivered, Cendred simply laughed as he continued pounding in, almost as if it was some secret office affair rather than him causally raping a supposed member of staff. Arthur knew in that instant this wasn’t the first time it had happened to someone…_

“Arthur?”

The hand on his shoulder jerked Arthur back to alertness and he scrambled backwards, barely aware there were tears flooding down his face. He didn’t see Merlin before he had leant over and been sick, getting the bin through sheer luck rather than judgement. Forcing himself to breathe, Arthur gradually brought himself back to the here and now. He stared at Merlin blankly.

“I thought you had gone to lunch,” he whispered, his voice trembling violently.

“I wanted to speak to you,” Merlin said softly. “I tried your desk and when you weren’t there, knew you had to be in here. You were having a nightmare. A bad one. You’ve been having them for a while, haven’t you?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll do better…”

“I don’t care about your work, your numpty. I care about you. Arthur… I know.”

“Know what?”

“I know why you needed a job. I know why you left your old one.”

“What?”

“Your therapist rang me two weeks after you started. She wanted to make sure there were no inappropriate jokes or no one asked questions that wouldn’t do you any good. She didn’t tell me much, but it gave me enough that I looked it up. It was all over the news, I never connected it with you until that phone call… I figured it had something to do with that why you’ve been so out of sorts the last few weeks.”

“My father has officially disowned me,” Arthur muttered, his voice flat and dead. He didn’t care. He wouldn’t care, not when it was clear his father wanted nothing to do with him now he knew Arthur couldn’t defend himself. He glanced up to see the anger flash over Merlin’s face before he was able to cover it up. For some reason, it made Arthur smile.

“What can I do to help?” Arthur stared at him. The man who had become his boss, his best friend and somehow so much more in the space of six months. As tears continued to trickle down his face, he glanced away, embarrassed.

“Would you… no, don’t worry.”

“Arthur, tell me.”

“Hold me?” Arthur whispered. So many times he had awoken in the night, wanting someone to be there to tell him it was going to be alright and been forced to calm himself down. This time, however, someone was there. Merlin gently smiled and scooted closer, taking Arthur into his arms and stroking his hair softly.

“He’s in prison, isn’t he? The man who did this to you. I saw it on the news.”

“For now,” Arthur muttered, knowing someone as influential as Cendred would find a way to squirm free. After all, it was known the two companies were enemies and unless someone else came forward to reveal Cendred was the sort of man to do something like this, it was Arthur’s word against his and Cendred was as cunning as a fox when it came to getting what he wanted. Arthur hadn’t been well enough to attend the trial and even now he was convinced that was a good thing.

“Hey,” Arthur could sense Merlin was looking down on him again, “he won’t get out. We won’t let it happen.”

Arthur smiled, although he knew Merlin couldn’t see. They were a small company only just beginning to support itself without the threat of going under hanging over their heads. There was no money behind them for them to fight Cendred if he was to be released. But Arthur knew that wasn’t why Merlin had said it. He had meant it that the team – Arthur’s friends – wouldn’t let anyone get near enough to hurt him again.

Before Arthur knew what was happening, his eyes were flickering again. There was something safe and comforting about being in Merlin’s arms.

“It’s okay, Arthur. Go to sleep. I’ve got you.” Arthur never knew if he imagined the whisper or not, but it was enough for him to sink into dreams. This time, there was no nightmares ready to drag him into their dark grip. He didn’t dream at all, he just slept deeply for about an hour before his body protested at the fact he was sitting on the floor. He still kept hold of the warm, content feeling as he woke up, realising that he was still nestled in Merlin’s arms. The man had produced a piece of paper from somewhere, resting it on the floor as he worked out numbers and figures.

“You know now you’ve got the budget for advertising you should, even if it is starting off small. It will draw people in and get the name known. They’re more likely to buy from a publishing house they know.”

Merlin jumped, clearly not having worked out Arthur was awake. Arthur untangled himself from Merlin’s arms and sat up, yawning. He felt better than he had done for almost a month and he smiled shyly at Merlin, gratitude beyond words radiating from him. Merlin smiled back and Arthur knew he somehow had sensed how grateful Arthur was. Merlin nudged the piece of paper over.

“Okay, Mr Business Man – what’s your suggestion?”

The fact that no one looked in on them all afternoon meant Arthur knew Merlin must have said something beforehand about them not coming to find them if they had disappeared. He wondered if they all knew and found that he didn’t really care if they did. They had gone six months without letting on they had known; they hadn’t treated him any differently. Maybe Arthur had been too scared of others finding out after his father’s reaction that he was shutting himself off too much?

He knew what Mithian would say – he needed to open up more.

But the time passed and Arthur realised – even after everything – he was relaxing. He had forgotten over the last six months that he was actually good at the business side of things and not just because his father had forced it upon him. He managed to come up with a few solutions and Merlin was beaming by the time Arthur started yawning again.

Merlin was the first off the floor and he offered down his hand. Arthur looked at it for a moment before gritting his teeth and taking it.

He could do this.

They walked together towards the door, Merlin admitting that he was going to stay and catch up with a few emails. Before Arthur could feel guilty at having taken up the entire afternoon, Merlin had darted in and pressed a gentle kiss to his cheek.

“We’re here for you, Arthur. Go home, get some sleep and take tomorrow off.”

“I’m not sitting around…”

“No. You’re going to call your counsellor or I’m going to do it for you. Come back to us.”

Arthur smiled, knowing what Merlin meant. The whole team wanted back the more confident Arthur they had made friends with, not the wreck of a man that was emerging now. The pair said their goodnights and Arthur stepped away, preparing to walk home.

But before he could take a step, he pulled out his phone.

Merlin was right, it was time to take control again.

Quickly, before he could change his mind, he text Mithian to schedule an appointment.


End file.
